I fear sex is next step with wife’s daughter – The US Sun

Dear Deidre

I ALMOST had sex with my stepdaughter. Only a knock at the door stopped us.

I’m 47 and my wife is 45. We’ve been married for eight years.

My stepdaughter is 20 and I’ve always treated her as my own because her real dad wants nothing to do with her.

I started to realise she was attracted to me earlier in the year when she walked into the kitchen wearing a very revealing top and asked me if her boobs looked OK in it.

I was embarrassed and told her that her mum was the best person to ask.

Then one night I heard a scream from her bedroom.

There was a big moth flying around her room and she asked me to remove it.

I caught the moth and let it out but when I turned round my stepdaughter was stood with her dressing gown wide open, revealing all.

I told her to cover up and left her room, but she often pinches me on the bottom when she walks past.

My wife was on a spa break so we were alone together the other night watching a DVD and shared a few drinks.

She went to get a glass of water and when she returned she sat next to me and started trickling water between her breasts.

I asked her to stop but she told me she knew that I wanted her. I denied it but I was aroused.

She could see that and put her hand there, then sat on my lap, wriggling around on top of me.

I tried to push her off but she began moaning and telling me how good it felt.

We started kissing and our hands were all over each other. Then came the knock at the door.

After I had dealt with our visitor I felt so disgusted with myself at not having the guts to stop her.

I’m worried sick what will happen if she tries it again.

I love my wife and we have a great sex life.

I would talk to her but they are close and I’m worried she will think I am the one who instigates all of this.

DEIDRE SAYS: You may find her attractive but you are not helpless. Of course you can resist.

Put an end to this flirtation before it leads to heartbreak.

She may be 20 but you have been a father-figure to her since she was 12, so any kind of sexual relationship would be akin to incest and against the law.

Think about how grim it will be if your wife finds out what you’ve both done.
It could well spell the end of your marriage and everyone would be appalled.

Your stepdaughter may well be affected by her father wanting nothing to do with her but that is something she must resolve with counselling and her mother’s help.

Tell her politely but firmly that you’ve both made a terrible mistake. You don’t want to hurt her feelings and you are as responsible for what went on as she is.

If she is unhappy, say you are not the right person to help her at the moment and suggest that she contact Get Connected, which helps under-25s with any problem (getconnected.org.uk, 0808 808 4994).

Avoid being alone with her and encourage her to enjoy a varied social life so that she can find a guy of her own age.

I hate sprint finish

Dear Deidre

MY wife says she is left wanting more when we have sex because it is all over too quickly.

I’m 32 and my wife’s 30. We’ve been together for five years.

I’ve suffered from premature ejaculation for as long as I can remember.

I’ve attempted the stop-start technique but I found it demeaning and embarrassing. After three years of marriage I really want to sort this out properly.

I am open to suggestions as I hate knowing how my wife feels. Is it too late?

DEIDRE SAYS: Premature ejaculation can be devastating for your self-confidence and frustrating and annoying for your partner.

But there is a range of self-help techniques – apart from stop-start – which you can learn to stop it being a problem.

For now, take the emphasis off intercourse and explore all the other ways there are to give each other sexual pleasure and satisfaction.

An advice line today explains techniques such as pelvic-floor exercises to help you learn to last longer.

Work dates grate boss

Dear Deidre

A COLLEAGUE I have always fancied asked me out for a drink, but my boss got upset because she had a drunken one-night stand with him last month.

I’m 24 and my colleague is 28. We had been texting for months and he finally suggested we get together a couple of weeks ago.

Before we went my boss rang me in tears, wanting to know what was going on between us.

She admitted she’d had sex with him after a drunken night out and said she felt like we were flirting and rubbing her face in it.

She insisted she didn’t want anything more from him but then rang him and then me again.

She said she would never talk to either of us again if we met. We went for our drink and didn’t tell her and we’ve seen each other quite a few times since.

I don’t want to lie but I’m wary of telling her now she’s brought her feelings into work. She has cut my hours and is making life difficult for my colleague too.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your boss may have hurt feelings but she can’t dictate to you who you can and cannot see in your personal life. If there is a company policy on this – it’s worth checking – she would be in breach of it herself.

Tell your boss you don’t want to upset her and believe you should all make sure your relationships at work are strictly professional from now on. What goes on out of work stays out of work.

If she keeps up this attitude, it’s bullying, and you should tell her you will go to her line manager if need be.

You can get advice from Acas, which helps with workplace issues (acas.org.uk, 08457 474747).

Married man wants me for kinky games

Dear Deidre

I’VE agreed to meet up with a married man for sex even though I know it’s not fair on his wife.

I’m 17 and this guy is 38. We met on a BDSM online forum. We’ve spoken and texted each other a lot and we trust one another, but we’ve not yet met.

His wife won’t give him the pleasure he needs and wants, whereas I would, as we have very similar sexual desires.

The fact that it is forbidden – because he is married – makes me want to have sex with him even more. I’m not expecting him to leave his wife for me. I just want a sexual relationship with him.

I know he’ll give me what I have been craving for as long as I can remember.

DEIDRE SAYS: He’s more than twice your age, and, in reality, you know next to nothing about him. At best you deserve better than being his guilty little secret. At worst I worry for your safety.

Have you explored what has drawn you to BDSM (bondage, domination, sado-masochism)?

It’s not that I’m critical of variety, but it can stem from very unhappy early experiences, and you’re more likely to be happy in the long run if you develop some understanding of your drives.

I’m sending you two leaflets, Sex Games And Sense, and Sex On The Internet, both aimed at helping you stay safe.

You can find understanding help through Brook, which helps under-25s with sex-related issues (brook.org.uk, 0808 802 1234).

Should we rat on next-door love rat?

Dear Deidre

I KNOW my next-door neighbour is having an affair but do I tell his wife the truth?

I’m 37 and my wife’s 36. We were on a day out together when we bumped into our neighbour. He was hand-in-hand with another woman who definitely wasn’t his wife.

She was an attractive brunette with a great figure.

We saw him take this other woman into a beer garden, where they had lunch together.

We watched them laughing and joking. Once we were back at home, we saw his wife at home in the garden alone.

I know he’s cheating but do I tell his wife the truth? She is a lovely person and doesn’t deserve this treatment.

What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t tell his wife anything. You can’t be 100 per cent certain there is something going on – nor can you be the judge of their marriage.

Are you really sure the other woman wasn’t a friend, a colleague or a business contact?

Have a quiet chat with your neighbour and simply tell him what you saw.

You don’t have to express an opinion but if he is guilty, it will let him know that he’s on shaky ground.

Treading on bro's toes

Dear Deidre

I’M a girl of 18 and my brother is 22.

He’s been with his girlfriend for eight months. She’s 21.

I’ve met her lots of times and we always enjoy each other’s company.

She invited all my relatives to a party recently so our families could meet.

I got on really well with her brother and we both admitted we fancied each other.

He is 19. We sneaked off from the party for a few kisses even though we knew it was wrong.

We want to see one another but I’m worried our families will think it is weird and may cause problems between my brother and his girlfriend.

DEIDRE SAYS: You are not doing anything wrong and if you handle things sensitively, then you can minimise any row.

You want your brother’s support so tell him about it.

He may feel that you are trampling on his territory but he’ll get used to it.

If he loves you, he will want you to be happy and respect your choice.

Even if he doesn’t, that is then his problem – it’s your life, live it.

Can you write to our brave lads

Dear Deidre

FRIENDS who arrived home from serving in the Forces overseas said the only thing that kept them going in the hard times was the handwritten letters they received. Their hearts sank the days they didn’t receive any.

I am a 27-year-old woman in a happy relationship, so not looking to date anyone – but I find it sad there are guys serving out there who don’t always get the support they need.

Can you put me in touch with anyone like that – age, gender, religion doesn’t matter, just so long as I can be of some help. They must feel especially far from home at this time of year.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s a lovely thought, especially as we near Christmas.

If you would like to support the guys serving overseas by being a penpal, email me at
and put Forces in the subject line.

I will add you to my Forces Penpals list which is circulated to those in the Armed Services hoping for letters with news from home.

Dear Deidre

EVEN though I’m 39, I am still a virgin. I’ve never passionately kissed a woman.

I’ve always been big for my age and now weigh 20st.

But I don’t think my weight is the reason I haven’t been successful with the opposite sex because I’m comfortable with the skin I’m in.

My friends are supportive and have even offered to pay for me to lose my virginity before the film “40-Year-Old Virgin” becomes about me.

But the older I get, the harder it is to talk to women. They will think, because of my age, that I’d be experienced.

I know the first time is supposed to be special with someone you care about,
but the realisation is starting to sink in this may never happen.

I don’t want to lose weight as I want someone to love me for who I am. If I’m happy with the way I am then a potential girlfriend should respect that, but it looks as though it will be a lonely Christmas – again.

DEIDRE SAYS: Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of and lots of women are looking for strength of character.

But the tough truth is that being very overweight is damaging for your health and can make people wonder what issues lie beneath that – low self-esteem, for example.

Why not have a go at getting fitter and eating healthy food, which will have the spin-off that you’ll end up in better shape.

My leaflet on ending weight worries will help – it’s about healthy eating and exercise, not strict dieting, and explains where you can find support if youneed it.

And the bonus is you can meet lot of girls down the gym – some trying to get in better shape too.

Look at girls as potential friends and talk to them as you would other friends. Have patience and courage and in time you’ll meet that special someone.

Dear Deidre

NEXT month I am due in court to testify against my ex-boyfriend after he forced himself on me.

I’m 31 and my ex is 33. We were together for five years and have a daughter. I don’t have any contact with him since the assault.

I’m over him completely but I can’t move on from what he did. It’s controlling my life.

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry you are still suffering. You can find somewhere
safe to let out your understandable distress through Rape Crisis, which
supports survivors of rape (rapecrisis.org.uk, 0808 802 9999).

It’s important you do, for your little girl’s sake, too.